Wherein I imagine the email between the head of marketing and the ad agency for the Angel Soft account: RE: New Packaging/Branding Campaign

(Scan of the actual package - no kidding)


To: Dave at (unnamed ad agency)

From: Brad, Director of Marketing

RE: New Packaging

Dave,
Thanks for the specs. Just had a couple of questions.

Well, I'll just come right out and say it....Are you kidding me man!?

The product is Angel Soft ! Angels ! Hel-LO !

When I think Angels I most definitely do NOT think about two middle aged white guys, one of them balding with photoshopped wings on.

Babies !

Kittens!

Little kids !

CHERUBS !

Whatever. But cute for Christ sake ! What the hell's your problem?

The dude on the right looks like a, I don't know....repairman...Did you hire your damn plumber for the photo shoot?

and...what the....? he's got a goddamn watch on you twit!!! Why would an angel have a watch on? THEY ARE IMMORTAL...they're all magic and stuff...punctuality is probably not a prime concern when you've got FOREVER.

And the guy on the left....he makes Ned Flanders look like Brad Pitt....man, what a lame-o. Looks like he's wearing a tie...sheesh. Nice angels...NOT.

As for the copy:

"Soft but not TOO soft"
"With an EXTRA LAYER* to get the job done"
"*versus one ply products"

1. Well, Duh about the extra layer. 1 + 1 = 2 Thanks so much for that.

and B. I thought I had made abundantly clear at our brainstorming meeting that we do not, I repeat not, remind customers about "the job" which may I remind you is to REMOVE SHIT FROM THEIR DIRTY ANUSES.

If this is you idea of a joke...hahahaha...enough already.

So anyway.....golf on Sunday?

Laters,

B

How to Blog

iamnotasurfer just sent me a link. Some points to think about while blogging. Some really good points, and the fact that there is a picture of Angus Young in mid-headbang somehow lends more credibility to his suggestions.

Take a read if you want to start blogging or need a kickstart.

I disagree with his recommendation to write about politics, religion, issues, avoid letting friends and family know about the blog, and to cuss a lot (rules 4, 5 and 13).

Ahh. Fuck it. Rule 4 is ok. But no politics and shit.

If William Shatner were a rodent....

Yes it's only five seconds, but it may be Shatner's best work yet.

UPDATE: And now for the remixes:


And....

A conversation with Jake

So last December Kim was out shopping with Jake and Lily, looking for Christmas presents when they found a box with an airplane on it. Jake thought it was a toy plane and was crushed and completely confused to find that it actually contained a 2007 desk calendar.

Well, he's come to love it and relishes ripping off a new page every day, usually yelling out the name of a recognizable plane (CORSAIR !) or asking me to ID if today's plane is something more exotic.

This morning Jake ripped off the page from yesterday to reveal a Supermarine Spitfire.

Jake: Dad! A Spitfire ! Your favorite !

Me: Alright !

Jake: Dad. Why is the Spitfire your favorite plane?

Me: Well, I just like the way it looks. I like the shape of it, especially the wings....I guess I just think it's the prettiest plane.

Jake: It's not the prettiest plane.

Me: Oh? Well, what is then?

Jake: A girl in a Spitfire !

Double true.

Now I Know I'm Getting Old

Some of my favorite places are closing down.

The Varsity Theater

and

Kam Bowl

Sigh

Wow

An amazing video - good fun CLICK HERE

Bank of America = @$$#0£3$

Leetspeak decoder

Ok. So just got a call from Gene.

He and GG (aka Alex) were selling their Jeep. Why you ask? Well, it seems that Gene forgot to replace the radiator cap tightly enough one day a few weeks....wait, that's another story....

Oh yeah. B of A(hole). G and GG sell the Jeep to some dude and insist on going to his bank to get the cash and taking said cash over to their own bank. Hypervigilant, antiscammers that they are, they were concerned that even getting a cashiers check in this day and age does not mean that you are not being scammed (news to me - I thought they were always legit, but Gene informs me that they are really just another type of personal check and that money could be withdrawn in the mean time).

So anyway, GG get's the moolah from BofA(hole) and takes it to her own bank where she is informed that one of the 45 $100 bills is in fact counterfeit. GG returns to BofA(hole) where she explains the situation and they tell her....

"SUCKAH!"

Ok. It was probably more like "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that there is nothing that we can do. As a consumer you need to be responsible for making sure of the validity of every financial transaction. blahblahblah..."

Call supervisor...

Stonewall.

Call supervisor's supervisor....

Deny.

Scene ends where GG turns to the customers in the lobby of B of A(hole) and (hopefully quite loudly) says:

"EVERYBODY! If you're getting cash, better make sure it's not counterfeit. These guys just slipped me a fake $100 bill and won't admit it ! BE CAREFUL !"

Tonight Gene and GG are planning their media strategy including TV, newspaper and a rarely read blog concerned (usually) with children, model airplanes, and other subjects with very little mass appeal. Every little bit helps.

Take it away Mojo !

UPDATE: June 13. BofA relents ! $100 is coming to Gene/GG via the dude who bought the jeep. Always nice to have a cause. With this out of the way we'll have to move on to other more important issues.

DOUBLE UPDATE: This just came in from Uncle Bump (recovering bank employee) re: Cashier Notes

Nah. They're good. The risk you run is that it's a forgery.



Also, the super-duper rare occasion that a stop payment is issued by the bank because they ended up unconvering some kind of fraud.

Kalaeloa/Barber's Point

Wow did we have fun at the beach today. I'd kept hearing how White PLains beach at Barber's Point was the place to take the little ones to learn to surf by wow. The average age in the water might've been 10 - grom central. And some really good ones too. Lily and Jake had a blast and Lily was all over it.

At the beach

From left, Jake, dad, Tutu Kane, and Lil

Charging it

Lily tries to make the drop without a faceful of sand

Sandswimming

 

Wipe out!

Happens to the best of us

Yet another

1:48 Blue Angels Hornet - Kim picked it up in Japan - domo arigato

Jake to tower:

Request permission to takeoff

Cleared for take off

And off it goes into it's broken future....the life of a small boy's plaything is short nast and brutish.

Meticulous

Note mondo cookie to-be behind the 'lil baker....

Careful

or not

Yum

Mission Accomplished

Us on TV

When Kim and I saw the TV reporter and cameraman standing on the beach while we played in the water with Lily and Jake we both thought:
"Great. Something terrible must've happened....sewage spill, invasion of jellyfish...why do parents let their kids swim in polluted water."

Nope, just a story about water safety and kids in Hawai‘i.

My daughter: the mistress of trivia

So over the last few days I've been making a DVD for Lily's kindergarten class. I told Lil's teacher that I could make one and just to have parents give me their photos and I would put it together and make a bunch of copies for everybody.

So Lily and I spent a few hours organizing all of the pictures by kid or by activity and making slideshows. She picked out songs and transitions between the pictures. DW will be (un)happy to know that she picked a White Stripes song - and it fits perfectly - check out their video for it here. A Ramones song (Blitzkrieg Bop for Halloween - makes sense to me) and some tunes from the Cars soundtrack and we have a pretty nice looking and sounding dvd.

Today Lily, Kim and Jake were decorating the CD/DVD sleeves before we pass them out to everybody and we had the dvd going in the background, the music was playing, and the slideshows were going by. Jake heard one song where they say "humuhumunukunukuapua‘a" and then he asked: "What song is this?"

Me: "Little Grass Shack by Leon Redbone" and quickly adding "Oh, well, now it's somebody else - there's two people singing...now it's Ringo...he actually sings another song that you guys know...he sings Yellow Submarine."

Lily: "Ringo was in the Beatles?"

Brad: *

Brad: "Um. Yeah"

Parents look at each other. Chip off the old block apparently.